12 Aug Real series: Cyndia Mondésir

Can you explain how your identity has shaped you?

This is a tough one! Although I’ve had many identity crises, I can finally accept that I identify myself with many different minority groups, which has consequently shaped who I am, and how I experience life. I feel especially connected to my Haitian roots, and the generational trauma experienced by my family members. Growing up, it was very difficult to learn about my family, because so many of their memories in Haiti are rooted in trauma. Learning about the violence and abuse lived by my mother, my aunts, my grandma, and others has shaped who I am as a black woman. Since they lived through horrendous events, it has also shaped the way I was raised and has allowed me to be an even more empathetic and grateful person. The strength of the women in my family has motivated me to be a feminist leader and seek to end injustices done to women. As a woman in general, whether in a third world country or not, we face an abundance of systemic issues and violence. I think it’s always something that I’ve come to know. Also, I had to learn quickly that as a black person, I live in a world that ultimately hates the colour of my skin. The acts of racism I’ve experienced, whether blatant or not, has made me realize that I am different and that I will have to work even harder in this world in order to be equal to my peers. Finally, being a francophone was always a piece of my identity that I had trouble fully claiming. It is so easy to get assimilated within the English culture, and for a long time, I didn’t feel “franco” enough and cringed at my accent. Since English is not my first language, it’s easy to overthink the way I speak and criticize myself for not being eloquent enough. However, I have now accepted and fully embraced the fact that I can speak three languages (and am learning another one). I am proud to be a young black francophone woman, and I think that my identity will continue to be shaped as I go through life. 

What are some challenges you have faced because of your identity?

I’ve struggled with my identity in the sense of struggling to figure out where I fit in, where I’m accepted, where I can learn about my people and about myself. Growing up, I never really understood how my identity impacted my learning experiences, as well as friendships and relationships. I had always been surrounded by richer white people and felt different. I was raised by a strict, single immigrant mother, and we didn’t have that much money. It was difficult for me to relate to the lives of my classmates because we lived in completely different realities. The education system didn’t help either, because nowhere did I learn about black people. At home, talking about identity, abuse or even mental illness was extremely taboo. Therefore, I felt very alone and had to do my own research in order to quench my curiosity. I, myself, am a victim of violence and sexual abuse and the lack of resources surrounding me were detrimental to my health. There are many times where I thought I couldn’t speak out about my experience, because mental illness is seen as a myth in my culture, or because I feared backlash due to the fact that I was a black woman.  These are challenges that I’ve had to overcome from a young age. As I got older, I also noticed challenges in my work environment. Let me tell you, working in the women’s movement is extremely difficult since you’re always faced with criticism. People say I’m not intersectional enough, that I’m just another Social Justice Warrior, that I’m this or that. I’m always being judged for who I am and who I’m “supposed” to be, so it’s very easy to get lost in what you’re doing. But it’s important to ground yourself and remember what you’re fighting for. Thankfully, I have an amazing support system, and I plan on continuing to overcome the obstacles that come my way.