23 Feb Being Black and a Woman in Society

Sweet but Angry. Strong but Weak. Aggressive but Mild Mannered. Stable but Fragile. Independent but easily Influenced. Beautiful but Hideous. Educated but Boorish. Contradictions? Yes! These are some of the many characteristics that describe the perception of a black woman in society.

Today’s society is filled with members of the ‘good ole boys’ club and their offspring.  Rarely will you find a black person, more specifically, a black woman mixing and mingling with the likes of the members of this elite club. Why? Because they simply are not welcomed. The ‘good ole boys’ club is an ‘informal system of friendships and connections of Caucasians through which men use their positions of influence by providing favors and information to help other men.’ They are everywhere – the workplace, social clubs, churches, community organizations, political arenas, etc.

I have worked in Corporate America over a decade now. During my time here, I have heard comments from one extreme – “You’re cute for a black girl”; “You’re smart for a black girl”; “Most people don’t think deep enough to understand certain logic. I am surprised that you were able to make sense of it all”; “I know you expressed interest in traveling more but you just don’t have the right ‘look’ to represent the company…we’re sending Becky instead.” – to the other – “I know I told you that your job consisted of A, B, and C. However, when it comes to this specific person or team, I need you to turn a blind eye despite being out of compliance”; “Every time we have a meeting, you seem so angry because you always object to or question what I’m saying”; “We aren’t able to offer you this position because you are too direct and by the book”; “I am sending you home for the day because your pants are a little too snug around the hip area …cute outfit though.”

The same is true in everyday society too – “I’m impressed that you own your home and are not on subsidized housing.”; “You actually have a bank account and don’t rely on credit cards to make purchases?”; “I just assumed that most black girls worked either at a fast food restaurant, grocery store or in the strip club. Hats off to you for having an office job.” I’m not sharing what I THINK happens or have heard, this is what I KNOW and have EXPERIENCED for myself. I am just as surprised at the things that come out of a person’s mouth, as the next person.

Experiences such as these have provided me with the harsh reminder that I can’t be 100% me, not only in the workplace, but in society in general. Subconsciously, I feel I have to adjust my behaviors and actions to my surroundings so that I will be semi accepted in a room or environment where there may be one or two others that look like me. I have to work extra hard at making sure my appearance is appropriate, or that my hair isn’t extremely unruly; I have to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, or listen to some of the most incompetent individuals discuss their plan of action for various projects. I have to hold my tongue a lot because when I speak, it is considered offensive and someone’s feelings get hurt. I have to work extra hard on completing my workload ahead of schedule or a complaint will be made against me if it is just 5 minutes past the deadline. Interestingly enough, I have also been told that I am too efficient and need to pace myself when working because I make others look bad if I complete my responsibilities before them.

Many may ask, ‘Why do you stick around and allow yourself to go through such things?’

A few reasons:

1 – I wasn’t raised to quit. I fight for what I want and believe in.

2 – Leaving isn’t always easy…especially when you have people depending on you to care for them.

3 – I’m optimistic about change for the better. I look forward to the day that society finds value in me and others that look just like me. I anxiously await the day that society will invest in me and others that look just like me. I shouldn’t have to shy away from who I am just to be accepted. I should be presented with the same opportunities as my male counterparts and other individuals that are not of color but fall in the safety net of ‘white privilege.’

I am Black. I am a Woman. I live in this society too.

TANYA SHEPHERD

Born and raised in Florida, I am the youngest of three girls. I consider myself successful in my own right – College Graduate; Success in Corporate America; Wife; Mother of two beautiful and smart children – yet, I still felt like something was missing. Writing has always been an outlet of release for me. I hope that my experiences/thoughts/life in general and the transparency of it all can create common ground between myself and my readers, so much so that I have inspired or motivated at least one to NEVER GIVE UP on life, love, happiness, dreams, etc. Visit my website: itsashepherdslife.com, Follow me on social media: FB – @itsashepherdslife; Instagram – @TanyaDene; Twitter – @AShepherdsLife; Pinterest – It’s A Shepherd’s Life